Sometimes we automatically say something to your children, it is not thinking of frequently used phrases in the family.
These phrases are passed from generation to generation,fly off the tongue easily and quickly, and often cause serious damage to the formation of the child's personality. Moreover, the phrase at first glance may look harmless, but nevertheless ... it is better not to repeat.
1. Leave me alone!
The options in this promise can be many: "Leave me alone", "do not disturb", "I'm busy", "go away, let me do their own thing" and so on. As a result of the frequent utterance of phrases a child formed the model of parent-child relationships in which its place - is not the first. In the future this will inevitably affect relations between the parents and grown children. In the most severe cases it sends "Get out of here, do not bother me," the child may be perceived literally: the child - a hindrance, they do not cherish, dream to get rid of him.
2. You are such a ...
The label hung on the child as a child, with a highlikely to have an impact on the formation of his character. Even in the diminutive form of a label bound to cause harm. "Silly", "capricious", "lazy" - all this is better not to use in communicating with children. And in any case it is impossible to repeat the words several times. Especially psychologists are advised to avoid negatively stained labels, although the effect of neutral and positively stained "nicknames" are not yet fully understood.
3. Do not cry
This is probably one of the most oftenused phrases parents. By repeating it, you are giving your child understand that his feelings or incident because of which he was crying, invalid, not worthy of attention, are insignificant. If a child is crying, it is much more effective way to stop the crying baby will regret, show that you understand and accept his feelings.
4. Why can not you be like ...?
Similar comparisons with sister, brother, neighborchild or someone else are dangerous not only because it may have a long-term resentment and jealousy, but also the fact that they are able to provoke a negative reaction, the reluctance to do what you want the child.
It is clear that such a phrase most often heard in thea time when parents are in a hurry. At such moments, it would be desirable to stir the child as soon as possible, and he, unfortunately, digging and busy, distracted by everything. Perhaps that is exactly the same behavior in his calmer moments are not causing your irritation, and you do not even notice. If the phrase constantly pronounced irritation or accusingly, that makes the child feel that he is dissatisfied with the parent that it causes inconvenience. If this situation is repeated daily or even several times a day, to no good it will not. At the very least - the fall of the child self-esteem, and sometimes protest behavior.
What can be wrong in this commonincentive replica? But psychologists say that if you frequently use the same phrase as praise, it becomes depersonalized, devalued. The child begins to perceive it as a mechanical response, and on a subconscious level is no longer give it any importance. That is mechanically say "well done" in his perception equals the total absence of any praise. So even praise the child better each time in different ways, not using the same expressions
7. Let me help you, you do not get
Psychologists believe that this phrase repeatedday-to-day programs on the child's failure. He is ready to advance to the fact that he does not work, but my mom will make everything for him. By the way, at a certain age the child begins a period of "myself", during which the utterance of this phrase may even provoke a serious conflict!
8. Take, just calm down!
Frequent change of the strict prohibition on child strained resolution suggests that in this way (whining, screaming, hysteria, whims) he can achieve anything from the parents.
9. Quickly stop it!
Immediately shut, now calm, lively,rather, who told ... No one but a child, you would not have dared to speak in such a tone, right? The child to be treated too offended, feeling while still completely powerless. And instead of "stop" and "calm" starts to protest. Kids cry and capricious, teens throw "leave me alone" and turn in on themselves. As a result of such a phrase my mother gets the opposite result: instead of "stop", the child only reinforces the undesirable behavior.